La Conner Weekly News - Your independent hometown award-winning newspaper

By: Patricia Bonacic (aka the DONALDoppelganger)

Dear Mel and Ken,

I am writing in response to your respective editorials printed about me in the La Conner Weekly News last week. The newspaper had evidentially been used to wrap up shrimp, and other such fish, and was mailed to a White House aide for his birthday. He brought it to the attention of Jared who then immediately directed it to me. It stinks to high heaven, let me tell you!

I have never heard of La Conner but, judging from your advice and analysis of my presidency, I am seriously considering sending in my armed troops to knock a f...