In last year’s World Happiness Report – published before COVID-19 changed our lives in profound ways – the United States ranked 18th out of the 153 countries studied. And in a Harris poll from a few years ago, 33% of Americans surveyed indicated they were happy. This suggests that roughly 67% of us are not very happy with our lives. No doubt the numbers are probably more dim these days.

These statistics are baffling considering that to many of the greatest minds ever, achieving happiness is of the utmost importance, and we are failing at it. Aristotle wrote that happiness is the ultimate goal at which all humans aim. And Thomas Jefferson wrote about a peoples’ inalienable right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence.

The irony is that while we want it and crave it, we don’t know how to actually get it. Walk into any bookstore and you will see numerous self-help books on attaining happiness.

Perhaps Auschwitz survivor, Viktor Frankl, explained this problem best in his seminal work, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” He writes, “it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to ‘be happy.’ But happiness cannot be pursued; it must en-sue…you have to let it happen by not caring about it.”

And this is the paradox: it’s the very pursuit of happiness that keeps us from actually attaining happiness. And the more we try to become happy, the further from actual happiness we get. Judaism teaches that to pursue a life of meaning is what enriches our lives, for happiness is fleeting, but meaning can be transformational and even spiritual. Nevertheless, if there was ever a time to work on happiness, it is now. So, how do we do this?

The Harvard Study of Adult Development conducted what may be the longest study of adult life that’s ever been done. For 78 years, they tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, and their health. The goal was to see what keeps them happy. And what has the study learned most clearly? Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

It turns out that the people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier. They live longer lives and in better health. One doesn’t need a lot of friends to be happy, just good friends.

The other cause of happiness, aside from cultivating loving relationships, is the frequency that one expresses gratitude. A grateful person is a joyful person. Becoming happy will not cause you to be grateful. It is actually the other way around. Moshe Chayim Luzzato, an Italian Rabbi of the 1700s, teaches us that our external state arouses our inner one. Simply smiling will help us be happier and it might even rub off on someone else, too.

Leading a life of meaning and purpose is a recipe for a well-lived life and one that will transcend through the generations. At the same time, seeking happiness, nurturing relationships, expressing gratitude, and even smiling on occasion, is yet another and, I would argue, equally important formula for getting the most out of this precious gift we have all been given.

Samuels is rabbi at Congregation Beth Israel in Bellingham.